The terrible school shooting this week in Parkland, Florida, has been difficult to process. Though there certainly isn’t much to be laughing about today, we’ve decided to publish our weekly roundup of the funniest tweets from women to give you a moment of levity. Scroll through the list below for this week’s hilarious tweets, then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sorry MEN, but if you want to silence women in 2018 then you’re gonna have to do it the old-fashioned way: within the context of a skillfully timed jinx
— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) February 12, 2018
50 SHADES trilogy made a billion dollars?! Imma start writing erotic fiction, she said as he pounded her yams from behind.
— Issa Rae (@IssaRae) February 15, 2018
Me: Do that thing I like
Him: *brings me a cheeseburger*
— Sardonic Tart 🇮🇹 (@SardonicTart) February 15, 2018
Aside from the breathtaking athletic feats that make you rethink the breadth of human ability for a sec, the best part of any Olympics is always the butts, don’t lie to yourself.
— A.B. (@AlannaBennett) February 12, 2018
me in school: *fakes sprain to get out of gym, plays pogs during track and field, gets in fight during badminton game*
me during olympics: sport is life, sport is MY life, pain is power, power is glory, athleticism is my currency
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) February 14, 2018
this fashion week I’m walking around target for 5 hours so I know what we’re all actually gonna be wearing this spring
— Sandy Honig (@sandyhonig) February 12, 2018
doctor: how many alcoholic beverages do you consume per week
me: can i phone a friend
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) February 13, 2018
me: eh, olympics
american ice dancers come on: FUCKING AMERICAAAAAAAA
— krutika (remix) [feat. cardi b] (@krutika) February 12, 2018
Love the guy behind me who can’t remember the name of the show Friends and is desperately pleading to his group of friends, “you know the show with Chandler. The show with Chandler!” and they clearly do not know
— Mary Numair (@MaryNumair) February 16, 2018
Can you be nesting if you aren’t pregnant? Honestly just trying to justify my current behavior.
— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) February 16, 2018
An old service dog at the grocery store stared at me with a face so wizened and gray, I expected him to briefly morph into human form and hand me an ancient talisman for safekeeping.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) February 16, 2018
There’s an Olympic event where they have to ski AND shoot guns which is exactly how I imagine people in like Michigan have to live to survive
— Shakira (@jodecicry) February 11, 2018
Being overwhelmed is bad. Being underwhelmed is bad. Most of us just wanna go about our lives being solidly whelmed.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 13, 2018
I saw 4 different dogs wearing camouflage coats on this block in NoHo and it’s a nice reminder that the downtown dogs are ready to go to war for us.
— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) February 13, 2018
Jennifer Aniston is one divorce away from being Ross
— annie (@annievictorias) February 15, 2018
I regularly listen to the nightmare before christmas soundtrack all the way through when it is neither halloween nor christmas
— Tracy Boomeisha-Ann Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) February 14, 2018
You can buy ANYTHING on Amazon. Except a baby. You can not buy a baby on Amazon. I looked.
— sara (@SomthinBoutSara) February 16, 2018
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